The Advantage of Being Insecure
December 10, 2025
Insecurity has this sneaky way of shaping your life without asking permission. I was watching a Basquiat documentary and they mentioned he used Gray’s Anatomy, the old medical textbook, as a reference. And for a moment, I actually got annoyed. Not at him but at the idea that one of the greats used references like the rest of us. I was too young to understand that everybody uses references. At the time, I thought real artists were supposed to summon brilliance on command, like some random creative lottery. Then they mentioned he had around seven hundred drawings to his name and something in me shifted. Not jealousy. Just that quiet Mexican pride that taps you on the shoulder and says, “If this vato put in that kind of work, what’s stopping you?”
And that insecurity mixed with pride did something wild. It made me try. It made me sit down and draw, one page at a time, until the stack of work turned into something real. Not because I thought I was better and definitely not because I thought I was racing him. Basquiat is Basquiat. The greats stay great. This was about me trying to live up to the voice inside that said I had more in me if I stopped being scared of my own doubts. I eventually passed that number, not in meaning or legacy, just in pages. And the funny part is, it wasn’t confidence that got me there. It was insecurity. The thing we’re taught to hide. Turns out it’s not the enemy. It’s the spark. Sometimes the part of you that feels the smallest is the part that pushes you the furthest.
The 30 Jobs I Did This Year
December 9, 2025
I finally sat down and wrote out every job I have been doing alone for the Smiley Face Project and the result was equal parts funny, depressing and painfully accurate. What I thought was being an artist building a book turned into a full scale production studio held together by caffeine, stubbornness and one man trying very hard not to collapse.
So here it is. The truth of what it actually took to bring this world to life. I didn’t realize how many hats I was wearing until I felt the weight of every single one crushing my spine. These are all the jobs I have handled on my own like some kind of deranged arts and crafts octopus.
The Artist
The one everyone sees. The drawing guy. The face guy. The “wow you’re so dedicated” guy.The Illustrator
The one who actually has to bring all those faces to life.The Author
Writing essays, captions, book intros, and random monologues at 2am.The Designer
Layouts, typography, merch, album covers, stickers. All of it.The Brand Identity Department
Tone, look, feel, voice, universe. Also just me.The Book Production Manager
Printing proofs, file prep, edits, revisions, headaches.The Merch Department
Pins, stickers, shirts, posters, packaging, panic.The Quality Control Guy
Inspecting everything like a TSA agent with trust issues.The Inventory Manager
Storing books, organizing merch, counting things I probably miscounted.The Fulfillment Team
Packing boxes, printing labels, shipping orders, sweating.The Event Coordinator
Designing menus, displays, setups, vibes.The Salesperson
Closing deals, following up, pitching, praying.Customer Service
Answering 97 forms of “do you ship to Canada” every month.The Marketing Director
Launch ideas, hype cycles, strategy, storytelling.The Social Media Manager
Posting, replying, editing, filming, fighting algorithms.The Copywriter
All the words while pretending I didn’t use ChatGPT because, well, public school.The Business Strategist
Mapping out seasons, structure, offers, revenue.The Finance Guy
Budgeting, bookkeeping, mentally apologizing to my bank.The Data Analyst
Checking what performs, what doesn’t, pretending I understand graphs.The Pricing Specialist
Setting prices without crying.The Sales Funnel Architect
Linktree, product pages, landing flows, conversion paths.The Project Manager
Keeping track of deadlines and missing half of them anyway.The Vendor Manager
Talking to printers, manufacturers, suppliers, lizards, whoever.The Logistics Coordinator
Deliveries, shipments, pickups, drop offs, repeat.The Tech Support Guy
Fixing website issues I definitely caused.The Community Manager
Talking to people. Being nice. Being present. Exhausting.The Collector Liaison
Maintaining relationships, following up, staying grateful.The Family Provider
Trying to take care of my wife while chasing a dream that isn’t a sure thing.The Self Regulation Department
Managing stress, fear, identity, pressure, ambition, and my own expectations.The Emotional Support Pillar of This Entire Operation
Keeping the faith when the bank account says “bro stop.” Carrying the dream alone. Hoping it pays off.
THE TRUTH
This was never a one-person job. It was a ten-person operation disguised as an artist doing his best. If you’ve followed this project, if you’ve seen the work, then you already know how much discipline and sacrifice went into every page.
I’m asking for your support. Not out of pity. Not out of charity. But out of belief in what this project stands for and where it can go next. Your support funds the next chapters, lightens an impossible workload, keeps the art alive, and helps me stop pretending I have twelve employees when it’s really just me and a pen.
Support the Project →
(Book Bundle / Season One / Shop)
Thank you for being part of this world. It means more than you know.
– DonCarlos Salinas
#SmileyFaceProject